never seen by waking eyes

of all the cities i've had the chance to know, st. petersburg is very strange and haunting in a way i have a hard time describing in words (i did drawings).  i noticed that i am aesthetically and emotionally drawn to things of former glory, the decay of once-beautiful things.  the buildings are phantom-like. they all have a look of shining long long ago, but have since become dirty and the paint is chipping.  caving in on themselves, along with the ghosts inside.  the names of businesses on old signs sound fake, like part of the set design for a play.  there is some strange weight in the air that i sense but can't describe.  creepy in a beautiful way, beautiful in a creepy way.  i am incredibly frustrated by my inability to convey this, though i can see it right in front of me, flashing in pictures of peeling wallpaper, silent films of women with high collars and frilled white parasols, and horse-drawn trams.  political conspiracies, snuff boxes, and tragic characters. always looking for something somewhere else when there was so much right in front of me all along, i am sorry i only took notice of it now.