today's horoscope said, "a surprising turn of events midday or this evening throws you for a loop, but the emotional upheaval is almost certainly for the best. it's all part of something larger and positive." and how! oh dear. we finally met. i bought half a kilo of cherries at an outdoor market and ate them all while waiting forever until msc finished his exam. we sat on the bench by the water, and then he suddenly said that he is quite sure that i like him, but he has a girlfriend of one year and he has no plans to end it with her. dear god. he was speaking quite fast but i caught it all. poor msc, and the worst thing is that i could not even defend myself, tell him that he got it all wrong. but how do i explain to someone that i have been ambushing at school and calling incessantly that i only did it because i wanted him to be my friend, because he is different from everyone else and i wanted to listen to accordion music with him and ask him stupid questions? i don't blame him; how desperate i must have seemed! i mumbled something like "blah blah blah kamarad" (friend that is a boy, not boyfriend) and i think he understood. one day i will write to him what i meant.
then suddenly the most horrible rain came crashing down. we ran back to school, laughing because the we got completely soaked in seconds. in the architecture studio, the teapot was not working. he said that when i come back he can show me around his home town, and maybe he will visit the states, and asked me to write and send him lots of photographs. hard to believe, but that is all i wanted. i knew that he shines the first time i saw him and i was not wrong and i am not sorry. his friendship was worth fighting for all along, as uncool and foolish as i had to be.
then he left and i stood in the rain waiting for my tram. suddenly i felt like a child, like the adult world briefly condescended to humor me, and then curtly put me back in my place. but it's a good conclusion because now i feel that i am ready to go home. i think that was the point of this extra day, to lessen the sadness of leaving and help me make the transition.
No comments:
Post a Comment